Staples, Scalpels & Skeletons
by A. Frivolous
Summary: Zack's already had a bad run in with Dr. Hojo. Everyone in Shinra has that horror story haunting them. But enough is enough! When he returns for another check up with a different doctor, he walks right into a war zone! Why do doctors have to be psychotic? AU; Rated T for language.


Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy or it's characters. The OC is mine.

Well, here's an 'uber short OneShot. I started this a long time ago and never finished it, didn't have a plan of attack for it just started it out of boredom and the fact that, my OC here, was used in an RP and the things I had him do was hilarious. I thought I'd make this grow but, eh, decided to just post it as is and let you enjoy a bit of comical relief. OK SO MY COMEDY ABILITIES SUCK! I tried. It made ME laugh, at least. Read and review please!

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It was a quiet day in Shinra. Too quiet. Zack felt a chill in the air. It was his monthly check-up and he was waiting in the doctor's office. Unfortunately for him Dr. Hollander was busy with some other SOLDIERs, and Zack didn't dare go to Hojo's for this. The last time he went to Hojo's, the madman known for being Shinra's best scientist had thrown Zack into a room filled with real life Behemoths that had been starving for over a week. All Zack went in for was for a simple cold he had caught, one that was spreading through Shinra.

He just wanted something to help him get through training until the cold ran its course. And what did the young 2nd Class get? Eight starving Behemoths and a locked door behind him. By the time help arrived (Which was in the form of a very angry Angeal Hewley) Zack had been able to defeat all eight Behemoths. After Angeal had screamed at the madman for putting his student through that Angeal had dragged Zack away from the labs and told him never to go back there again, ever. Strangely enough, Zack's cold was gone when he left with Angeal.

Now however was different, Zack needed to get this check-up to past some new tests Shinra was dishing out. And Zack, he felt more scared here than in Hojo's lab. There weren't any Behemoth's around, or any form of monsters as far as Zack could sense. The walls were painted an off white color, the floors were nice and clean. There were pictures of different scenery in the room Zack was currently sitting in. Even a potted plant was sitting in the corner. So why was Zack so nervous? He couldn't tell.

"WHAT THE HELL? I TOLD YOU STAY IN BED YOU UNGRATEFUL SOLDIER! GET YOUR ASS BACK IN BED! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? SON OF A BITCH I'LL STAPLE YOU TO THAT GAIA DAMNED BED IF I HAVE TO! WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT? GET BACK TO RESTING! BASTARDS!"

Zack jumped off the chair he was sitting on and backed into a corner, eyes wide as ever and his knees beginning to shake. 'Wh-What the hell was that?' Zack thought as his heart began to race. Screams of terror could be heard and a lot of commotion was going on outside the office, Zack could have sworn he even heard a table getting thrown, glass shattering and then Zack hit the floor as scalpels began hitting and actually getting stuck in the door to the room Zack was in. He covered his head out of instinct, praying to the Goddess that someone would save him.

"THIS IS THE TREATMENT I GET FOR SAVING YOUR SORRY ASSES EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY! I'M UNDERPAID, UNDERAPPRECIATED AND OVER WORKED DAMMIT! I WANT SOME BLOODY RESPECT! YOU GET YOUR SKINNY ASS BACK HERE STRIFE I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!"

There was a crash and high pitched scream from the other side of the door. More screams were heard afterward, curses and more sounds of glass shattering. All Zack wanted was to get this check-up over with and instead he somehow found himself in the middle of a war zone. Shaking, Zack stayed put. He didn't dare move. When all of the commotion had subsided Zack didn't even notice the door opening to the room. Not until a hand reached up and touched Zack's shoulder. Zack screamed and jumped so high he hit the roof before he grabbed the plastic skeleton that was standing in the room and began to swing it like a sword. When Zack finally opened his eyes, he met a pair of red-ish orange eyes.

The young man standing in front of Zack was relatively clean cut, he was wearing a doctor's coat with the name "Dr. Nemcova" stitched on it. He had red-ish orange colored eyes, brown hair that was kept shorter than shoulder length. And despite it being somewhat messy he looked like a professional doctor.

"Are you okay son? I didn't mean to scare you, I was merely checking to see if you were awake. Why were you lying on the floor?"

The man spoke softly and in a calm tone. Zack was still holding the skeleton tightly as he stared at the man before him. He wasn't sure what to say as his face began to heat up, no doubt embarrassed. He slowly nodded to the man and set the now falling apart skeleton down, and he made his way over to the chair and sat, staring still.

"I... Erm.. W-What was going on out there...?"

Zack ignored the doctor's question and decided to just answer with another question. The young man looked Zack up and down before nodding, and smiled.

"Nothing. Why?"

The man spoke and Zack felt he was now going insane. He did just hear a war going on outside didn't he? He wasn't even sure. Zack glanced towards the door and, sure enough the scalpels were still stuck in it. That was his proof, but he decided to just get this whole thing over with before something else happened, mainly to him. He shook his head to himself and looked to the doctor, not sure what to do now.

"Well, in any case I'm Dr. Aidan Nemcova. Zack Fair, correct?"

Aidan was holding a chart and was currently reading it over. Zack nodded slowly, praying that this wouldn't take long. And to his surprise it didn't. After the two spoke for a few moments Aidan went on to test Zack, having him do a few different things while he himself wrote down on the chart he was still holding. After about thirty minutes and a few vials of Zack's blood later the man nodded and smiled up at Zack.

"You're free to go Zack. Please come back in a week and we should have all your tests results in. I'm sure you'll be good to go."

The young man politely said and gestured for Zack to leave. Zack hopped up, though feeling a bit more woozy thanks to the amount of blood the doctor took, and headed for the door. He glanced at the scalpels and winced before stepping outside. He looked around and all seemed normal enough. Had he imagined everything he heard? No, the scalpels stuck in the door said otherwise. He stepped a few feet further away from the door and peeked into the infirmary, only to see some men were quite literally stapled to beds, two window were shattered, utensils were everywhere, furniture broken. One young cadet, a blonde, was crying in a corner. Zack shook his head, rubbed the back of his neck and decided to just leave and get some rest.

Zack decided against returning the following week and waited until Hollander was available.

End.

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Yeah, that's it. Short, to the point, maybe made you smile, giggle or even made you laugh, but either way, there it is. What had happened? We may never know. Don't trust doctors. We've learned here today they're all crazy, because if they're not trying to kill you by feeding you to starving behemoths then they've got split personalities. ;)


End file.
